Searching for Love

"Love is a terrible thing: I've seen my friends suffer and I don't want the same thing happen to me. They used to laugh at me, at my innocence, but now they ask me how I manage being single so well. I smile and say nothing, because I know that the remedy is worse than the pain---I simply don't fall in love."
-Maria, Eleven Minutes

Well, I have...no, I had! If you'll ask me how many times I fell in love -that includes being hurt- I'd say once, deeply. It had been four years since I started loving that person, and I realized that love would soon fade away once you're hurt,no matter how great it was. And after experiencing those pangs in your life, you would soon grasp the idea that the next possible thing to do is to left them alone, let go, and start the long process of moving on.

But every promise of letting go is embodied by new chances of finding new love. I always pray to God that He may show me the path to the real deal. And just as requested, He did. Cause out of billions of people on Earth, He showed me the way to "you". It has always been a blast meeting you...at the same time, a learning. My experience being with you leads me to a know-how incident I can now handle.

But fate seems to interrupt when I had love at its best. It may let me see the means of falling in love but it also may let me prove that what I believed all this time was wrong. That's what I learned when we endure the twinge of staying away from each other. I almost had you...and I almost got hurt again.

Good thing I used my head, for the first time. Good thing I recognize the notion that you don't love me after all. I guess that just how it works...it's easy for you to love two persons at the same time. You know what, it's like wearing a pair of two different shoes...you can, but it doesn't look good. That's why I started drifting myself away from the upsetting relationship we once had. I made a choice, and it didn't fail me.

I used to think that it hurts when I lost each of the various people I fell in love with. Now though, I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true essence of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it.

And all I could think of now is the idea that I never got hurt when I lost you, because I never did love you after all. What made me think about this was when I began to understand that I had reached my limit, and that I couldn't stand living with you anymore. I just can't stand it...when you think of someone when we're together. I guess this is my aim---to understand love and not to be used as an escape from love loss. You don't need me...and I must be free in order for me to go on with my life.

Thanks, anyway, for everything. I learned a lot! I want to dedicate this song for you. It's called "New Perspective" by Panic! At the Disco. I just hope you'll get what I mean cause I really think this song was really for me...for us.

Panic! At The Disco
New Perspective

I feel the salty waves come in
I feel them crash against my skin
And I smile as I respire because I know they'll never win
There's a haze above my TV
That changes everything I see
And maybe if I continue watching
I'll lose the traits that worry me

Can we fast-forward to go down on me?

Stop there and let me correct it
I wanna live a life from a new perspective
You come along because I love your face
And I'll admire your expensive taste
And who cares divine intervention
I wanna be praised from a new perspective
But leaving now would be a good idea
So catch me up on getting out of here

Taking everything for granted but we still respect the time
We move along with some new passion knowing everything is fine
And I would wait and watch the hours fall in a hundred separate lines
But I regain repose and wonder how I ended up inside

Can we fast-forward to go down on me?

Stop there and let me correct it
I wanna live a life from a new perspective
You come along because I love your face
And I'll admire your expensive taste
And who cares divine intervention
I wanna be praised from a new perspective
But leaving now would be a good idea
So catch me up on getting out of here
(Getting out of here)

More to the point, I need to show
How much I can come and go
Other plans fell through
And put a heavy load on you
I know there's no more that need be said
When I'm inching through your bed
Take a look around instead and watch me go

Stop there and let me correct it
I wanna live a life from a new perspective
You come along because I love your face
And I'll admire your expensive taste
And who cares divine intervention
I wanna be praised from a new perspective
But leaving now would be a good idea
So catch me up on getting out of here

It's not fair, just let me perfect it
Don't wanna live a life that was comprehensive
'Cause seeing clear would be a bad idea
Now catch me up on getting out of here
So catch me up I'm getting out of here