My Unread Letters (The Big Mistake)

Well, I usually write letters for somebody I like--which was not read by anyone except myself! I mean, I cant keep these letters forever... I'm always at my best when it comes to expressing how I feel and I just want someone out there to at least, say what they think about these unread letters. Here's the first one.

To: You-Know-Who
May 22, 2008

Hi there! Its been great meeting a person like you, really. You know what, for my 15 years of living in this world, I'm still searching for the real meaning of the word happiness. Everyone does! Maybe if there's something I'm good at, it is PRETENDING.

I always pretended to be someone I'm not. I always say "I'm great..." although I'm swimming in misery and pain. I always say "I'm okay..." although I feel the opposite. Perhaps that would be the reason why I love dancing, to temporarily forget my problem. You are my problem, cause it seems that I'm admiring you more each day.

Here the big question...

How can I forget you if you are always on my mind every minute of my life? How can i say and shout that "You're extraordinary..." if fear digs my admiration? How can I continue to stare at you if your glance was never mine?

I've never felt this way before---falling for some unworthy someone who's way too perfect. The big deal here is that how can I forget you if forgetting, for me, means dying?

"Fix me, I'm broken" is a phrase I've always wanted to tell you. I want you to know that I really admire you so much that I could just spend my whole day just thinking of you, swear! But, should I?

Should I continue to admire a person who doesn't even know that I exist? Now I have made a choice, and that is to forget you even if it will cost a lifetime. What's the big mistake now? Is it going too crazy about you or admiring you so much that I forgot to love myself?

From: Me